Friday, March 20, 2009

Es tut mir leid


I feel I myself having so much of problem and he is creating all these shit, making me so so live less. I was being blind folded and guided with love, now, I am no more being blind folded. I feel so scared, I am so terrified that I will not find my way. God knows how sincere I am, everyone around me knows how I am in love. I wish he would keep me safe, happy, secured, and guide me through everything. He is the only person I pour my heart to, no matter happy or sad.
Sayang, its not that easy for me to give up on the love I had which I am still having. It will not be easy for me to replace you with someone else. I know you lost my trust and this wasn't the first time that I'm disappointed you and I wanna explain my faults and hope you will be give me a chance to build it the trust back. But damn, hoping is a big word to me! I really felt like an ass hole still.. Sayang, can I have another chance? Can I? I promise I will not screw up that chance, just a chance.
Sayang, I will only stay with you to make you happy, if I can't make you happy, I should try but if still can't, I have to leave and pray that you will find someone who will make you happy.
Every relationship has flaws, if a relationship is not balanced, it is not called a relationship, it is more like a robotic relationship that was being automatically set!
Every one's relationship has happiness, sweet, bitter, sadness, hatred, annoying stuff and blah..blah..

Sayang, I am not foolish, If I find myself is not happy in this relationship, I will call it an end. I do not have to wait for anyone to speak for me unless you, yourself is unhappy with the relationship. I know I did a lot of wrong stuff in this relationship. We can put all that in a full stop and start up new, it will be that easy if we both really want it. I want to know one last thing, do you still love me. That is most important than any further explanations. I know a lot of people works out their relationship but why we just can't? I know you still afraid that i wouldn't be able to provide you happiness. Do you know that I am smiling now because of you? Now I am crying and in agony, it is because of you as well. If I feel this relationship is a bullshit, then I will not even try to work things out again. God, I am trying so very hard. Can you see me trying? If so, please try to answer me and give him a big knock right on his baldy head! I love him so much! I need his care, his love, when he says he loves me. He doesn't have to tell me but I can feel it, it is that powerful.

I will change for a better future, I will no matter what try and make him happy. Your arms are still my most safest place to hide and my love is real and sincere. Just say you love me! Without you, there is no reason for me to smile! Sayang, I know that you will leave me soon and will never come back and you cannot visualise any future for two of us, I just wanted everyone to be happy and in the end I hurt myself. Why God? Am I so destined to get hurt all the time? I thought I will find my happiness and of course life has to be balanced. But then again, it is so not fair at all when it happens to me all the time.

Nothing really seems going where it suppose to be going? God, is there such thing called meant to be? What does it mean anyway? I thought if I want it to be meant to be, I have to work for it. Isn't it? Then why everything seems to be hurting and stabbing me? I knew what I have done and I willing to make it change and start it all over again. Sayang, I've never cheated on you and thought to cheat on you, I have been so truthful to you. Should I just leave it? I shouldn't as well, I wish I knew what I shall do.

Am i just wasting my youth life to be with him even i know that he will leave me soon.Is it calls as a stupidity?! Oh God.. I really in love with him. I just do not know what to do than constantly praying to you. I want to improve in things that I have been doing. Would you help me? Would you? Have I been really bad to anyone? Maybe?! You taught me to love everyone even my enemies. Haven't I been doing that? Haven't I been doing things accordingly and never expected more? I just don't understand what I have to do more? Help me God. Please do not just sitting there and looking at me saying Do not worry or You would send me a good person for me. Isn't he a good enough for me? Why i meet him? Why am i involved in this games? I am trying not to worry to loose him, I am not. I won't! I guess that is why I have been a lil out of control! I should just let you handle and try to add in some spices instead. Maybe I am just too ego, wanted to do everything myself. See what I have done?A huge mess I am trying to wipe it off! I love him and no one else. Yes, I do and I don't want to burden you. I want you to be happy with the one you love and not be pressured by me.

Sayang, Love is hurts but it is worth it to go through it. I wanna do anything for you and most of all love you the most. I fight with you always because of small things, get jealous with you even a small stuff like an ant, bite you to punish yourself, cuddle and lean on you when everything is over. I love to kiss your cheeks and see you're sleeping all night long and would sleep happily in your arms because I know you're the one for me and that i loved you with full hearted. When things fuck up, no matter how, you will try and solve it to be my little bunny. My Love is always for you and sometimes i think am not doing it enough.
When i see you hurt so badly, i always wanted to be there for you to cuddle you and say that everything will be alright. If you're hurting because of me,i wish you could take away the pain by getting away from you but i do not know that is not what you wanted.
Love is everything, everything in life that am going through. I don't need to be afraid to be in love because sometimes,i wouldn't know that he will take care of everything. I'm blind for that moment because I love him too much. My heart explains the feelings and the hurt.I have heard it said.True love comes around only once in life.. You know what, I've never believed that until I met you. I now know what true love means,for never have I loved someone as I love you…Because our love is eternal,there's nothing left to say,Except to say this one last word.I love you more each day

Sayang, Loving you is not a difficult job because you aren't a demanding at all. Always wishes i always listens and follow the rules that you've given to me. Loving you is not difficult at all, Loving you is the best thing that i have in my life because seeing him happy makes your day. That is why girls are always stinger than guys, no offend. Girls think thoroughly in a relationship because all guy can think is whether she is happy. Guys would always want to be successful to make her happy in the future and it is girls job to spice up the relation. Girls should always be miss independent, not possessive or obsessive, not stressing or pressuring him up.

I love you and still, I do not have any reason to stop loving you!

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