WiSh I kEEp You MuCh LOngEr

I knew he had a better reason, he will never hurt me so bad. I wish I knew what I was doing in this relationship. I never meant to over stress or pressure him. Its funny when I love someone so badly, it just slipped of my hand, just like that. That was like in a flash. Sometimes, I wish I realize before it was too late; now I know why men will be seduced by me but will not stay long! I know I am very bad to every men and i can't even control my anger towards 'em. I am still wishing I have magic to change myself and would be all that you want perfectly. I just let My emotional overpowered me, I felt so out of control and i've never changed. I keep doing mistakes in relationship and i guess i'm so destined to be single :'(

I bet i love him too much till i couldn't find way to forget him. yeah, he's right. it's really hard to forget him. I close my eyes, I see him, I really have no idea how am I gonna live this life which is full of crap. I am starting to believe that love is full of crap. I was being blind folded and guided with love, now, I don't wanna be a blind folded. I feel so scared, I am so terrified that I will not find my way. God knows how sincere I was, everyone around me knows how I am in love. They thought he will keep me safe, happy, secured, and guide me through everything. He is the only person I pour my heart to, no matter happy or sad. Now, I am blogging, I really feel so alone. 

Wish i keep you much longer, but i realize i can't be in relationship with you anymore. I don't know how to tell the world that i've to end our relationship. I really need someone to tell me, Girl, it is going to be alright. I hope someday, in near  future, He seen me myself  much more better than the girl that he used to know, I'm someone who has good demeanor, independent, capable and etc..etc.. Baby,no one would believe how we lived our 10 months. I just wish that time would freeze or just begone. I know there are alot of people that I love and they love me as well. But, it is different that how he loved me. Im very tired of crying which is caused by myself.

I have to just let it go.No more my superhuman :'( baby, whatever we had are all the sweet moments. I am not regretting because I know that love we shared was a miracle. Something that all girls or guys would wanna experience. He is still my best, til now. I will say he is a good friend, the best boyfriend, a nice brother, a wonderful teacher and lovely hubby. Take care and farewell, you are always in my heart. Somewhere inside there, I am sorry for pressuring you, Pulling your hair, kicked your back, slapped you, biting you and your whole body pain caused of me, stressing yourself or even getting mad with for no reason (I'm a the bad girl friend in the world who born in the world with all the bad attitudes and who needs rehab). It was not he took me for granted, I took him for granted. It was not him in wrong, I was in wrong. I should be a Miss Independent, I should be more understanding. I want to change for a better purpose, I want to stop being possessive and obssessive. We had too much together, to lose it, I would be a dumb ass. I should have put him in concern like how he does all the time and really wished I have magic. I wished I never took him for granted. Sometimes I don't meant what I said to him but I show anger because I just wanted attention. It is wrong I know, when he wants something, he wouldn't show it but he would tell me.Baby, I never dated you to make you regret or to compete with you. I dated you because I loved you. and loved you SO much! Sharing my life with you was the blast and being in your arms was the safest. Now I am saying, I will walk forward, to be someone!

Start from now on, i've to take some steps to not think about him anymore. i know i can't but till when he wants to get through the pain?  I'm NOT tired or through with him yet, poor him, he has tonnes of things going on in his life now and boy he must be thinking "I thought she will understand and be with me but damn, she just doesn't". anyone in his situation will actually be in dead end. He always in pain,I'm the selfish,the craziest,the ego,the paranoid and the bad ones. I just wish i can stop punishing him.. I promise you things will change baby. Before this, I wasn't understanding but now, I realized and I myself know that I have tonnes of things to catch-up. Sometimes, When I realize things are better when you guiding me. i'm the miss dependent Who never made decisions for herself. Seriously, I never hated him even after what he did to me. I was just traumatized because it was happened few times. Now, I don't wanna put you as my hopes and i love to get what I wanted the most in life. As i know, your first love is your lappy, mine as well, my first love is what i wanted to be in my future. 

Baby, you will always be in my heart. you are my desire my heart is so on fire for you i cant stop loving you loving you oh hell to the No! baby, i dont wanna end up this I wanna be someone you can turn to baby i never wanna lose you theres nothing i wont do so ill watch you like a movie ill sing you like a song read you like a story if it takes me all night long keep you like a secret ill tell you like a ? its true its true that i will love you like i always do love you like i always do love you like like you are so amazing you stepped in and saved my life everytime we are together my time is yours forever my world is all yours. i dont wanna end up in your reviews. I wanna be someone you can turn to baby i never wanna lose you theres nothing i wont do, so ill watch you like a movie ill sing you like a song read you like a story if it takes me all night long keep you like a secret ill tell you like a ? its true its true that i will love you like i always do. baby i wish i wouldn't and never leave you, i will watch you like a movie ill sing you like a song read you like a story if it takes me all night long keep you like a secret ill tell you like a ? its true its true that ill love you like i always do. i said im gonna love you yehh ohh i wanna love you i said im gonna love you again. ohh ohh yehh i love you like i always do yehh yehh im gonna love you more love you like i always do but i can't. I wish you will get a better life soon. 

I really wanted to give up and move on. I will trying very hard, really hard till i don't know what happened for the past. I hate all that and my heart hurts like fuck! Hurts like Fuck! it's fucking hurt because i can't make him happy with me. I know i;m gonna miss him badly,God! Is it what you've written for me? That I will finally find a guy that I love the most and he will slip right from my hand?God, I need you to help me to forget him. You have taken him away from me, and I know I will never find him back. So, please God, help me to go through all these fucking shit and bring me back to how I was. My life would really suck without him? I believe I have totally lost him, please do take him away from my head!

Have a blast, have a great day! I hope you see what I have written here because you are a star and thank you for moulding me into a star! I'm gonna miss you like i always do. I don't know how to face you and tell you on your face that I have to end our relationship. I love you always.